End of week 2. I'm SO sad it is flying so quickly, but extremely motivated to get some stuff done this time around! I relaxed way too much last summer. ;)
Week 1: Sleeping in. Hail storm. Tornado sighting. Cleaning. Laundry. Lifetme in the AM. 24 finale. Jewel Kade meeting.
Week 2: Long weekend with Jason. Quit Archiver's (sad). Shopping. Prepping for vendor fair. More shopping. Lunch with Lauren. More shopping. Must stop shopping. Vendor fair. Jason's birthday week begins!
Summer vacation resolutions:
1. Shower everyday -- no staying in PJs all day during the week!
2. Spend at least 2 days a week in the craft room.
3. Spend a lot of time in the pool (once it's up!).
4. Eat dinner at home at least 4 nights a week. This is a BIG one for us!
5. Watch less TV. No more Lifetime/SoapNet 'til noon.
6. Blog more. Both here and on the creative blog I am in the process of creating.
7. Eat a decent breakfast everyday. I have been very lazy about getting out of bed in time for breakfast, opting to stay in bed instead. Or I end up eating crap, when I know I need a high-protein meal in order to get going in the morning.
8. Take my meds on a regular basis, as prescribed. My pride and my need to feel "normal" have been getting the best of me for a year now, the results of which are an increased loss of sight, a right foot that is almost completely numb, and some pretty rapid weight loss, which experience tells me is due to really high blood sugar.
9. Exercise. UGH. I sleep next to an elliptical machine that cost us a pretty penny. I think I am going to watch an episode of 24 each day, starting with season 1, and stay on the machine until the ep is over.
10. Follow through. I keep saying that I want to get a wholesale license and want to offer crafting classes, but I never get around it it. Well, now is the time. That was what I wanted out of working at Archiver's, so if I can make it happen for myself, why wouldn't I?
Yikes - I could go on and on, apparently. But I won't. This is a good list!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like me.
This is not my original post. My original post was really for a viewer-ship of one. It wasn't nice, it called a particular person out in several ways, it was meant to be an end to a very one-sided friendship that I am finally done with.
But what I realized was that all the original post did was make me look like the bad guy, and it didn't do much to make me feel better, as I hoped it would.
Simply put, the decisions we make, and how we treat others, directly impact how others treat us and view us.
But we also allow people to treat us in certain ways, again, by choice.
For example, I have allowed myself to be used and taken advantage of by many people. I have this inner need for people to like me that has always been a part of me. A shrink would say it goes back to my need of approval from my parents, which I never had as a child. Regardless, it often gets me into trouble, as there is just no pleasing some people. No matter how much you give, no matter how big of a priority you make someone else, often putting your own life on hold to be there for them, you may not be able to make someone truly be a good friend back. My natural instinct, when rebuffed, is to try harder! Bad idea, and it only opens me up to being used more. But see, I allow this to happen! I have allowed these "frienemies" to make me feel guilty if I ask for something in exchange for my friendship. I have allowed them to make the friendship completely one-way and all about them, when friendship is supposed to be a give and take relationship. Well, it is, I give and they take, and then they GIVE it to me and I TAKE it up the... sorry.
Anyway, I'm sick and tired of feeling like a crappy friend because sometimes I want someone to ask about me. I actually managed to work myself into quite an emotional train wreck last week because a "friend" was being a crappy "friend," but managed to turn it around on me, which she has done before, and you'd think I'd learn, but alas, no. Well, no more. At some point this horrible sense of self-worth that I have needs to be beaten down. At some point I need to make myself a priority, like everyone else does with no problems. That point is now, dear readers. I am going to spend this summer kicking old habits and making new friends, and, hopefully, kicking old "friends" and making new habits. I am also going to reacquaint myself with some old friends and habits.
And, of course, I will chronicle it all. :)
But what I realized was that all the original post did was make me look like the bad guy, and it didn't do much to make me feel better, as I hoped it would.
Simply put, the decisions we make, and how we treat others, directly impact how others treat us and view us.
But we also allow people to treat us in certain ways, again, by choice.
For example, I have allowed myself to be used and taken advantage of by many people. I have this inner need for people to like me that has always been a part of me. A shrink would say it goes back to my need of approval from my parents, which I never had as a child. Regardless, it often gets me into trouble, as there is just no pleasing some people. No matter how much you give, no matter how big of a priority you make someone else, often putting your own life on hold to be there for them, you may not be able to make someone truly be a good friend back. My natural instinct, when rebuffed, is to try harder! Bad idea, and it only opens me up to being used more. But see, I allow this to happen! I have allowed these "frienemies" to make me feel guilty if I ask for something in exchange for my friendship. I have allowed them to make the friendship completely one-way and all about them, when friendship is supposed to be a give and take relationship. Well, it is, I give and they take, and then they GIVE it to me and I TAKE it up the... sorry.
Anyway, I'm sick and tired of feeling like a crappy friend because sometimes I want someone to ask about me. I actually managed to work myself into quite an emotional train wreck last week because a "friend" was being a crappy "friend," but managed to turn it around on me, which she has done before, and you'd think I'd learn, but alas, no. Well, no more. At some point this horrible sense of self-worth that I have needs to be beaten down. At some point I need to make myself a priority, like everyone else does with no problems. That point is now, dear readers. I am going to spend this summer kicking old habits and making new friends, and, hopefully, kicking old "friends" and making new habits. I am also going to reacquaint myself with some old friends and habits.
And, of course, I will chronicle it all. :)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I just killed my best friend. Worst enemy. Same difference.
So I have been tossing around this phrase in my head for the last few days, trying to come up with something worth writing.
Fierce friendships.
You know the kind -- the friendships you had in middle and high school. The kind that had you hating your best friend (the quote that is my title is from "Heathers," by the way). The kind that drove you to feeling like doing great bodily harm to anyone who would dare even give your friends an askew look. The kind that could both comfort you and deeply wound you. The friends who you would see and talk to all day at school, and then spend the entire evening on the phone with, talking about everything and nothing. The kind who you could laugh with until you physically hurt at comments and jokes then that still make you laugh out loud today. And you know damn well you couldn't even begin to explain it to someone else, because they'd never get it.
I miss that. I mean, I still have friends I laugh with, and that I care a lot about, but back then my friendships were more important to me than anything else. To have a group of people who not only understand you, but accept you as you are, is such an amazing gift. But age shifts our priorities to work and family. I'm very grateful for the family of friends I have now, but I do mourn those fierce friendships from my youth.
Fierce friendships.
You know the kind -- the friendships you had in middle and high school. The kind that had you hating your best friend (the quote that is my title is from "Heathers," by the way). The kind that drove you to feeling like doing great bodily harm to anyone who would dare even give your friends an askew look. The kind that could both comfort you and deeply wound you. The friends who you would see and talk to all day at school, and then spend the entire evening on the phone with, talking about everything and nothing. The kind who you could laugh with until you physically hurt at comments and jokes then that still make you laugh out loud today. And you know damn well you couldn't even begin to explain it to someone else, because they'd never get it.
I miss that. I mean, I still have friends I laugh with, and that I care a lot about, but back then my friendships were more important to me than anything else. To have a group of people who not only understand you, but accept you as you are, is such an amazing gift. But age shifts our priorities to work and family. I'm very grateful for the family of friends I have now, but I do mourn those fierce friendships from my youth.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sunday Scribblings
Found this via Kristin and thought it was a cool idea. Here is a link to the original site -- Sunday Scribblings.
This week's topic -- dinner.
Evokes a very emotional response from me, which tells you my connection to food! ;)
I've never been a big cook. I think it's partly the mess factor, but I just don't enjoy it. It's unfortunate because food has always been a huge, important part of my family's culture. Sunday dinners were spent at my grandparent's house. My grandmother spent half the day in the kitchen -- boiling, and frying, stirring, and straining. My favorite meals were always those that had German roots. Rouladin and my grandpa's bread dumplings were a common favorite. I remember inviting friends to dinner with great pride, knowing my grandma would cook something phenomenal that they never would have had before. I almost always requested apple struedel, because having dessert as dinner was just awesome, and I could attribute it as OK because of my heritage. Good times. ;)
And don't get me started on entertaining. A holiday dinner at my family's house, no matter who was hosting, was at least a 2-day cooking affair. If a buffet was the offering of the day, there were standard dishes that always made an appearance, but not the salads/Jellos/casseroles you'd expect. More typical -- raw beef on a bed of white onions, served with a dark rye bread; my grandma's hot German potato salad; and very often a smokey, German ham that you eat very thinly sliced.
My grandfather always supplied the baked goods. At Christmas, it was stollen, butterhorns, and hundreds of cookies. Fall brought us his pumpkin pie, made with his special blend of spices -- a recipe that died with him. Spring and summer featured his famous cheesecakes, some covered in fresh fruit, others mixed with our favorite candy bars.
This particular way of providing for one's family is the simplest, yet most meaningful way to show your loved ones you care. Jason does the bulk of the cooking in our house. He has a very difficult job in trying to balance our mutual (but different) pickinesses, but he does so without complaint, always monitoring our responses to a meal and how he could make it better. It is in these simple acts that I know he loves me.
This week's topic -- dinner.
Evokes a very emotional response from me, which tells you my connection to food! ;)
I've never been a big cook. I think it's partly the mess factor, but I just don't enjoy it. It's unfortunate because food has always been a huge, important part of my family's culture. Sunday dinners were spent at my grandparent's house. My grandmother spent half the day in the kitchen -- boiling, and frying, stirring, and straining. My favorite meals were always those that had German roots. Rouladin and my grandpa's bread dumplings were a common favorite. I remember inviting friends to dinner with great pride, knowing my grandma would cook something phenomenal that they never would have had before. I almost always requested apple struedel, because having dessert as dinner was just awesome, and I could attribute it as OK because of my heritage. Good times. ;)
And don't get me started on entertaining. A holiday dinner at my family's house, no matter who was hosting, was at least a 2-day cooking affair. If a buffet was the offering of the day, there were standard dishes that always made an appearance, but not the salads/Jellos/casseroles you'd expect. More typical -- raw beef on a bed of white onions, served with a dark rye bread; my grandma's hot German potato salad; and very often a smokey, German ham that you eat very thinly sliced.
My grandfather always supplied the baked goods. At Christmas, it was stollen, butterhorns, and hundreds of cookies. Fall brought us his pumpkin pie, made with his special blend of spices -- a recipe that died with him. Spring and summer featured his famous cheesecakes, some covered in fresh fruit, others mixed with our favorite candy bars.
This particular way of providing for one's family is the simplest, yet most meaningful way to show your loved ones you care. Jason does the bulk of the cooking in our house. He has a very difficult job in trying to balance our mutual (but different) pickinesses, but he does so without complaint, always monitoring our responses to a meal and how he could make it better. It is in these simple acts that I know he loves me.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Small Wonder(s)
Today is Bring Your Spawn to Work Day!
HURRAY!
That about sums up today. :) 13 out of 23 kids present, so we had a "fun" day of multiplication games, Earth Day stuff, and movies. Scooby Doo, popcorn, and Carpi Sun.
And then...
A tornado warning. At 3:15. FUN!
Nothing like 700 kids, ducking and covering in a sweaty hallway for 10 minutes. "It's a drill!" we kept telling them, knowing by the looks of the sky and the pounding rain and thunder that it was a lie. I have to wonder why we make the kids duck and cover. I'm certain that if a tornado came crashing through the school and ripped off the second floor, the old duck and cover isn't gonna, well, cover it. Just a thought. Not to mention that these poor kids, 4-5 deep, basically had their heads buried against the shoes or butt of the kid in front of them. Thank god it wasn't bean burrito or western chili day!
In other (albeit random) news, I had an interview at a local Archiver's store today, for a summer job. Went well and was told to expect a call for a second interview next week. Many co-workers are wondering why I am seeking a summer job. They don't get it -- Archiver's wouldn't be a job! I'm excited about the possibility of helping others design their memories. Second interview next week! Cross everything. ;)
And yes, I realize that my paycheck will likely go right back to them... at least there's a discount!
HURRAY!
That about sums up today. :) 13 out of 23 kids present, so we had a "fun" day of multiplication games, Earth Day stuff, and movies. Scooby Doo, popcorn, and Carpi Sun.
And then...
A tornado warning. At 3:15. FUN!
Nothing like 700 kids, ducking and covering in a sweaty hallway for 10 minutes. "It's a drill!" we kept telling them, knowing by the looks of the sky and the pounding rain and thunder that it was a lie. I have to wonder why we make the kids duck and cover. I'm certain that if a tornado came crashing through the school and ripped off the second floor, the old duck and cover isn't gonna, well, cover it. Just a thought. Not to mention that these poor kids, 4-5 deep, basically had their heads buried against the shoes or butt of the kid in front of them. Thank god it wasn't bean burrito or western chili day!
In other (albeit random) news, I had an interview at a local Archiver's store today, for a summer job. Went well and was told to expect a call for a second interview next week. Many co-workers are wondering why I am seeking a summer job. They don't get it -- Archiver's wouldn't be a job! I'm excited about the possibility of helping others design their memories. Second interview next week! Cross everything. ;)
And yes, I realize that my paycheck will likely go right back to them... at least there's a discount!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Power Station
(Note: I have decided that from here on, the titles of my posts will all be 80s references. Just 'cause it's fun.)
Perception of power is such a fun thing to observe! When a person believes they have some level of power over the people around them, and every part of their being (words, actions, etc.) nods towards that perception, they tend to do and say things that can really be quite funny (as long as they don't directly impact you). For instance, recently I observed a co-worker taking notes in a staff meeting. This person was clearly noting who was arriving to the meeting late, and when they arrived. Now I realize that it is entirely possible that our "boss" (who was not present) asked this individual to do this. However, as a colleague of those in the room, why would you do this? Why wouldn't you just say everyone was there on time? Perception of power. This particular individual is one of those who tend to kiss up to the administration. They also, in group situations, try to run the show, with little regard to the wants/needs of others in the group. Because others in the group either are not as invested in the discussion/task, or just want to avoid confrontation, the individual's perception of power is reinforced. So seemingly little, insignificant events, over time, build up this individual's perception, and they begin to believe that they have a responsibility to the "boss" to report those who break the rules, at least in their eyes. Never mind the fact that these same people are also rule-breakers of their own accord. But they often see their actions as a "greater good," and explain them away as such. This particular individual has gotten so good at this that their actions are now being reinforced by administration, so they believe that the rules they break, the very same rules they are holding everyone else to, don't really apply to them anyway.
Before I took all my coursework towards becoming a principal, I never noticed this crap. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
Perception of power is such a fun thing to observe! When a person believes they have some level of power over the people around them, and every part of their being (words, actions, etc.) nods towards that perception, they tend to do and say things that can really be quite funny (as long as they don't directly impact you). For instance, recently I observed a co-worker taking notes in a staff meeting. This person was clearly noting who was arriving to the meeting late, and when they arrived. Now I realize that it is entirely possible that our "boss" (who was not present) asked this individual to do this. However, as a colleague of those in the room, why would you do this? Why wouldn't you just say everyone was there on time? Perception of power. This particular individual is one of those who tend to kiss up to the administration. They also, in group situations, try to run the show, with little regard to the wants/needs of others in the group. Because others in the group either are not as invested in the discussion/task, or just want to avoid confrontation, the individual's perception of power is reinforced. So seemingly little, insignificant events, over time, build up this individual's perception, and they begin to believe that they have a responsibility to the "boss" to report those who break the rules, at least in their eyes. Never mind the fact that these same people are also rule-breakers of their own accord. But they often see their actions as a "greater good," and explain them away as such. This particular individual has gotten so good at this that their actions are now being reinforced by administration, so they believe that the rules they break, the very same rules they are holding everyone else to, don't really apply to them anyway.
Before I took all my coursework towards becoming a principal, I never noticed this crap. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
Monday, April 19, 2010
No Words
Please see this link prior to reading the rest of this post.
There are no words for how horrible this story is. It is ridiculous that a county judge can decide who is or is not a family. These gentlemen jumped through all of the ridiculous (but necessary) hoops in order to be considered each other's legal partner, and yet, a simple court order was enough to strip them of their rights and all of their worldly possessions. Not only did they lose everything, but more importantly, they lost each other when both of them were confined to separate nursing homes against their will. If they had been legally able to call each other "husband," this never could have happened. Regardless of religious beliefs, which are supposed to be kept quite separate from legalities, these men should have been granted their legal rights as partners who were together for 20+ years and considered themselves spouses. Clay should have been allowed to see Harold in the hospital. Harold and Clay both should have been able to decide if they wanted to enter a nursing home or not. They should have been allowed to decide that together, as a couple.
It is sickening to me that such basic human rights, like loving and being with whomever you wish, is denied to anyone.
There are no words for how horrible this story is. It is ridiculous that a county judge can decide who is or is not a family. These gentlemen jumped through all of the ridiculous (but necessary) hoops in order to be considered each other's legal partner, and yet, a simple court order was enough to strip them of their rights and all of their worldly possessions. Not only did they lose everything, but more importantly, they lost each other when both of them were confined to separate nursing homes against their will. If they had been legally able to call each other "husband," this never could have happened. Regardless of religious beliefs, which are supposed to be kept quite separate from legalities, these men should have been granted their legal rights as partners who were together for 20+ years and considered themselves spouses. Clay should have been allowed to see Harold in the hospital. Harold and Clay both should have been able to decide if they wanted to enter a nursing home or not. They should have been allowed to decide that together, as a couple.
It is sickening to me that such basic human rights, like loving and being with whomever you wish, is denied to anyone.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
How do they do it?
So I'm watching "Bourne Identity," and Jason Bourne has just gone to his apartment. He is an extreme minimalist, to be sure. His kitchen is complete with all the NEEDS of a chef, but no frills. No art, plants, or anything else that might not be considered a "need." It got me thinking. I know he's a book/movie character, and his character, by nature, would only keep what was absolutely needed, but this minimalism thing really resonated with me. I have a really strong desire to be that way, a total minimalist, keeping nothing but the bare essentials. I envy those who can lead that lifestyle. Sadly, my heart wouldn't allow it. I am far too emotionally connected to things, especially the things belonging to those loved ones who are no longer with me in life. From pictures of my family from way before I was born, to my grandpa's brown, felted cowboy hat, I just cannot let certain things go.
I also have this completion complex. Poor Jason. I have difficulty purchasing a piece of a set and not buying the entire set of things. The quickest example of this I can come up with is in scrapbooking. When I joined Stampin' Up (years ago), I had to buy every color of paper and ink they had, along with the matching markers. Even though I still, to this day, haven't used a few of the colors, I knew I would have to have them, just in case. Or it would bother me -- REALLY bother me. It honestly stresses me out if I do not have a complete collection of something I know I will use. In fact, just on Thursday, I was using a navy blue marking pen and my teammate asked where I had gotten it. I told her I had purchased a 24-count multi-color pack of these pens. She said she really liked the navy pen. Later that day, I went back to my classroom and dug in my desk, knowing I had a second navy pen to give her. Why? Because I lost one of the pens from the first set and it drove me crazy, so I went and bought a second set so that I could replace the color.
So I have 3 questions:
A) Does this make me crazy?
and
2) Does anyone else have this issue?
and
D) How does one become a minimalist? Is it genetic? Is it regional? Does my mid-western upbringing mean I will never be able to not have "stuff" everywhere?
Luckily, I am not in danger of being on any of those hoarding shows.
I also have this completion complex. Poor Jason. I have difficulty purchasing a piece of a set and not buying the entire set of things. The quickest example of this I can come up with is in scrapbooking. When I joined Stampin' Up (years ago), I had to buy every color of paper and ink they had, along with the matching markers. Even though I still, to this day, haven't used a few of the colors, I knew I would have to have them, just in case. Or it would bother me -- REALLY bother me. It honestly stresses me out if I do not have a complete collection of something I know I will use. In fact, just on Thursday, I was using a navy blue marking pen and my teammate asked where I had gotten it. I told her I had purchased a 24-count multi-color pack of these pens. She said she really liked the navy pen. Later that day, I went back to my classroom and dug in my desk, knowing I had a second navy pen to give her. Why? Because I lost one of the pens from the first set and it drove me crazy, so I went and bought a second set so that I could replace the color.
So I have 3 questions:
A) Does this make me crazy?
and
2) Does anyone else have this issue?
and
D) How does one become a minimalist? Is it genetic? Is it regional? Does my mid-western upbringing mean I will never be able to not have "stuff" everywhere?
Luckily, I am not in danger of being on any of those hoarding shows.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Here I Go Again On My Own
So I decided to let my dot mac site die because it actually cost money to use. Yes, it was easier to blog using iWeb, but for as little as I used it, it just wasn't worth paying for. Anyway, here is yet another new beginning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
